If you are a step-mom, your role is probably not very firmly defined. After all, you?re not the mom and yet you may carry at least some responsibility for your husband?s child. No doubt you have affection toward her and (hopefully) she likes you, too.
It may seem like you are walking a tightrope between roles and constantly unsure where to put your foot next, but you are very sure you don?t want it to end up in your mouth.
I am one of those very blessed people that had amazing kids and then ended up with amazing step-kids. They are both adults so it was a bit easier for me ? I didn?t have to deal with the need for rules and discipline that would have been a necessity had they been children.
Still, I don?t want to overstep my role in their lives, I don?t want to try to step in to their mom?s role and yet, I want them to know that I am here for them whenever they may need me.
Mis-step parenting is easy to fall into and it can cause more drama than ten tween girls at a Justin Bieber concert. It is a slippery slope so tread with caution.
Put Away Fantasies
You may have this pink tinged fantasy of how happy your step-kids will be when they are with you. You see you and the kids playing in the back yard as they beam with joy and blow you kisses. Yeah right. Be realistic. They may hate your guts for a short time, or even a long time, and you have no control over that.
Be realistic, don?t take it personally, and accept your family just the way it is. This isn?t Hollywood.
Don?t Be Cooler than Mom
Step-moms often get into this weird competition with moms. We usually have the opportunity to be more fun because the kids aren?t with us all the time and we don?t have to do much real discipline. Don?t go there. It isn?t fair to your husband?s ex to try to usurp her place in her kids? lives.
In this area, if in no other, you are her supporter. Don?t criticize, don?t joke, and don?t even make faces when her name comes up.
Don?t Endure Hostility or Disrespect
You have a right to the respect of your step-children, whether they like you or not. Allowing disrespect or open hostility isn?t good for you, them, or your relationship with your spouse.
Talk the problem over with your spouse and decide how it should be handled ? however if he wants to just ignore the behavior and ?let them get used to you? then there is a problem. If he doesn?t nip the hostility in the bud, he is giving them permission to be disrespectful.
Don?t Discipline
If you are the only one home with your step-child and they need a time-out, go for it but other than that, back off. There is something about our children that makes us very protective to the point of protecting them from a spouse when it isn?t warranted.
You should discuss the issue of discipline with your spouse and come to an agreement on how, by whom, and when, it should be administered.
What are some of the pitfalls you have experienced and how did you handle them?
photo credit: Ed Yourdon via photopin cc
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Source: http://www.smartmomstyle.com/mis-step-parenting/
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